Friday, November 23, 2007

The Lack of a Corkscrew

I held a beautiful blue long necked bottle of Riesling, finally.

I brought in all the groceries and all the stuff and was going to open the bottle and have a glass.

Off came the wrapper revealing the cork. Hmm, I need a corkscrew...

I riffled through the silverware drawer, nothing.

Went through the misc. kitchen tools drawer: chopsticks, lemon zester, apple corer, turkey lifters, birthday candles...everything else in the world...

Onto the Swiss army knives, they have corkscrews, I never understood why you'd need a corkscrew out in the wilderness but...

Found two knives, neither had a corkscrew.

It's now been twenty minutes.

Got a steak knife. No use.

Went online: "How to remove a cork without a corkscrew"

Watched a video of how to do it with a screw, screwdriver and hammer: couldn't find that stuff either.

Finally put the bottle in the fridge and sat down and admitted what was really happening:

God was here in my kitchen.

He was playing hide and seek with my corkscrew.

He knew what I was finally ready to admit to myself.
This bottle had little to do with reacquainting myself with the taste as I had been telling myself.
This bottle was a hope to numb the pain. That I could drink enough to feel better or, if not to feel better, to just cease feeling.

I hurt and kept on hurting. I'd talked to people, I'd cried and prayed, I'd tried to feel better, but I didn't and I just wanted the pain to stop and this was my solution.

Apparently God had something else in mind - He was not going to let me start down a path that lead to more pain.

He prevented me from saying to Him by my actions "You're not enough for me because I still hurt and I'm turning to something else now."

In the past God has rescued me from trouble, this time he prevented me from starting.

I spent that time in honest evaluation instead of pleasurable drinking. I talked to a friend about where I'd found myself. Although my intent was to make things hazy, instead I saw more clearly.

Today, I found a corkscrew and ironically enough I found it on a swiss army knife in a box of my mom's stuff. The loss of my mom and the cause of the pain was the very place I found the instrument I'd lacked to numb it's effects.

There's a reason I found it today and not the day I was looking for it.

I'd stopped looking for a corkscrew and had looked to someone else to take care of me.

And because of that, now it's just a corkscrew.

How grateful I am that the Maker of my heart is still taking care of it.

That God stepped down from heaven and into my kitchen.

No comments: