Sunday, April 18, 2010

battered

When we came to Christ as children we gave Him our hearts - these pure, whole, love and faith-filled hearts that were fresh and new.

Our hearts today are not the same. They are battered; filled with holes and bruises, carrying burdens so heavy they are depressed by the weight.

The hearts of children are resilient and strong. They are full of hope and idealism. They can be anything, accomplish anything, and nothing can stop them. Invincibility is assumed; with a towel pinned around their shoulders they can fly!

But then we grow up and discover a towel is not a magic flying cape, that no matter how hard I work I can't do it all, and this is not who I thought I'd be when I grew up.

Life is hard.
It picks us up, swings us around until we're dizzy and then lets go, and we slam into the wall.
We pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, square off our shoulders, and head back into it; only to have it happened again, repeatedly. Soon we're not so hope filled, idealistic and resilient. Our hearts have been battered; there are pieces that have been broken off and cracks running throughout the entirety of it like having been tumbled in the school of hard knocks...These are the hearts we have now to bring - fragile, experienced, hope dim and perceptions dulled by trouble.

It's simple to come to Christ with child-like faith when you are a child. But to come to him with a child-like trust when you no longer posses the wide eyed innocent heart of a child - that's a much harder thing. To trust when you've experienced disappointment, to hope when you've seen pain,to believe what God says is true when you've been the victim of deception; this is no longer simple.

He still asks us though to come in child-like faith. He asks us to reach out for His hand and trust His heart although we can feel worry and despair like twin devils breathing down our necks, stalking our every step.

My heart is worn out. I no longer leap with abandon when you call O Lord, but by your grace let me give you my battered spirit, one step at a time, faltering and hesitant, slow and stumbling but still believing that you are in control and my Father, the one who cares for me, loves me and who will provide for my needs. Let me O Lord, with my grown-up heart still be able to crawl up trustingly onto your lap as do the children and rest there in your care.

Psalms 102:17 He will regard the prayer of the destitute, and not despise their prayer.

Matthew 5:3,4 Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted.

Psalms 86:1,2 Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Guard my life, for I am devoted to you. You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you

Psalms 40:17 As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!

1 comment:

aspiemom said...

Beautifully written and heartfelt.