Thinking on these things . . .

My kids were trying to pull me out of bed this morning. (Why is it that on the weekends they are up hours before they are on school days?) They were not having much success. When your first conscious thoughts are an assault of all the work you need to do, it causes a delay in your feet hitting the floor. I better understand how children feel when they're woken up to go to school - who wants to leave rest and ease for work? I thought this morning of Christ - of the antithesis of anticipation he must have felt before his incarnation. The God of the universe was going to come to a backwards, ignorant sin -filled world as a baby in order to die a cruel painful death on a cross. I'd sure be pulling the covers back over my head if I knew that was what was ahead. But there is the story of Christmas. Christ's feet "hit the floor"of a barn and walked along dusty roads and up Calvary's hill. There's a Christmas song sung by Go Fish that says it all: It’s not just a...

I have had an epiphany . . . well, that was my first thought, but I had to go and look up epiphany to make sure that was the right term. Epiphany: (1) a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something (2) an intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking (3) a: an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure; b: a revealing scene or moment Yep, that was it—I had had an epiphany. I was reviewing something I'd done and realized that it really was good. Now, I'd been politely complimented by the people who knew me and I'd smiled and thanked them, but when I heard it for myself, what I heard wasn't the way it had sounded to me—what I heard was fantastic! My whole sense of reality is skewed now. I had thought I knew how it sounded. I was totally wrong. What else am I wrong about? I've written before about how you suddenly get a glimpse of yourself—the reflection in the store window, ...

“Fall on your knees…. Oh hear the angel voices….” Are you kidding? The only falling I’m going to do is on all the ice out here in the mall parking lot. This place is a madhouse. Why aren’t all these people ready for Christmas already? How in the world will I get in and out of this place in an hour? “Fall on your knees…. Oh hear the angel voices….” That’s a great idea for someone else, but I am far too busy to be stopping for angel voices. Have you seen the “to do” lists I still have? “Fall on your knees…. Oh hear the angel voices….” I am far too important to be falling on my knees. Don’t you know that without me Christmas wouldn’t happen in my household? There’d be no tree, no gifts, no cards, no fresh-baked cookies… (well, there probably won’t be any fresh-baked cookies anyway, I’m so far behind). “Fall on your knees…. Oh hear the angel voices….” Gifts bought and wrapped – check. Food prepared – check. Tree trimmed – check. Stockings hung by the chimney with care – check, check, check...

I live in Chicago. I'm dashing out to the car, already late, and discover that Jack Frost has been here, and apparently with ten of his buddies for no delicate design swirls on my windows, but ice that seems to be a solid sheet. Why do I never remember to leave enough time in my schedule in this the onset of winter for scraping the car windows? So I start the car and start looking for the ice scraper. Along the door - no. Under the front seat - no. In the back seat - no. In the trunk - no. Aargh ! Last year I had three scrapers in my car and now I can't find a single one. Back into the house I go, down to the basement, here, there and everywhere - not an ice scraper to be seen. I don't even want to look at my watch and see how late I am now. Desperate, I resort to the only tool I have...from my wallet I pull out a store rewards card and away we go - the funny thing is that the card actually works, not because it's a wonderful ice scraper but because the ice has softened...

My third grade daughter sat me down. She was going to draw my picture. I was told to pose and smile and she studied my face and studiously put pencil to paper. She would draw a line then look up at me intently, place a curve, then look up again. Her entire posture reflected her concentration. She was both serious and still. The process continued and now her paper reflected the shape of my face, the sweep of my hair, two eyes and an spot where my mouth had already been erased several times as she was having a hard time with it. It was one of those proud parent moments as I sat there watching her trying her very best to translate how I look to her paper. She was focused and intense and kept looking up at me to make sure she was drawing me correctly. Now no matter how hard she would try, her drawing will be that of an early elementary sort - somewhere between stick people and recognizable characters, but it wasn't her drawing that was bringing me this great pleasure. I was so proud of...

During this season you will be expected to … *maintain all your normal work responsibilities. *redecorate both the inside and outside of your home. *purchase appropriate and thoughtful gifts for all the significant relationships in your life and gifts of appreciation for those who assist you or your children, then wrap and present these gifts. *send out cards of greeting to current family and friends and also to those with whom this yearly card has become your last thread of contact. A personal note on each one is a welcomed addition. *host and/or attend festive dinners and gatherings. *prepare a variety of baked treats for above said holiday gatherings *learn and perform a quantity of new music requiring additional evenings of rehearsals. *participate in or contribute to charitable organizations. You must accomplish all of this in the next 25 days. There are no exceptions or excuses. This must all be done by December 25th. Is it any wonder that although we know that “Jesus is the reas...

I've realized that my favorite time of the week is Monday mornings about 7:30 am. Now don't throw things or stop reading out of exasperation yet - let me explain. By 7:30 my family is off to work and school. We have found the homework, and the gloves and shoes, packed the lunches and book bags and the door slams and the house is quiet. I pour a cup of coffee and sit down. It is the time for thinking, time for planning, time for lists. On a Monday morning there is a whole week of responsibilities and projects stretching out before me but, there is also a whole week's worth of time. As I make my plans and write my lists I have this sense of hope that by next Sunday night many of these things will have been accomplished. (It's an entirely different feeling than let's say on a Friday afternoon when the list still has half of the things on it!) Today is the first Sunday of Advent and appropriately the candle was that of Hope. There are only 23 days until Christmas but th...

I held a beautiful blue long necked bottle of Riesling , finally. I brought in all the groceries and all the stuff and was going to open the bottle and have a glass. Off came the wrapper revealing the cork. Hmm , I need a corkscrew... I riffled through the silverware drawer, nothing. Went through the misc. kitchen tools drawer: chopsticks, lemon zester , apple corer, turkey lifters, birthday candles...everything else in the world... Onto the Swiss army knives, they have corkscrews, I never understood why you'd need a corkscrew out in the wilderness but... Found two knives, neither had a corkscrew. It's now been twenty minutes. Got a steak knife. No use. Went online: "How to remove a cork without a corkscrew" Watched a video of how to do it with a screw, screwdriver and hammer: couldn't find that stuff either. Finally put the bottle in the fridge and sat down and admitted what was really happening: God was here in my kitchen. He was playing hide and seek with my c...

I'd gotten myself in a situation entirely of my own doing and now I was trying to figure out what to do. I had a decision to make. Throughout my years in churches I've heard thousands of prayer requests: I'd like to ask for prayer about this but I also knew that this really wasn't appropriate prayer material. There is great understanding and empathy for prayer regarding sickness or sorrow, difficulty or destitution, hardship or heartbreak. This was none of the above. It would be frivolous to request wisdom in making this decision. It didn't merit prayer. I was on my own. But there is a simple biblical truth and this truth encouraged me to bring it before the throne of grace - although my need was trivial,and even though it was a situation I'd gotten into that was totally because I'd messed up, I realized that... What matters to you ...matters to God. "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you" I Peter 5:7 "...

I packed up a life today, very unlike mine which is stuffed with every supply for every endeavor I've begun and lots of things I still think I might need, just in case. I'm still in, but hopefully beginning to grow out of, the gathering stage; with plans to do this and go here and make that... Mom was in the remembering phase. What mementos she had remaining were not there by default, but because they had meaning. She didn't keep what she didn't want - so what was there, was desired. A few things I recognized from my past, and a few from her younger years; a bowling towel from leagues played for years with her sisters, an ice cream scoop and tall sundae spoons left from the Tastee Freeze she and her husband owned... There was still glassware and china tea cups and lots of cut glass bowls and platters for entertaining. I wonder why? Because they were just pretty? All the jello molds were there with their histories of special molds for certain holidays and the old Tupperw...

You know what I long for Lord; you hear my every sigh. Psalms 38:9 A sigh isn’t a prayer – it hasn’t even enough energy to be a plea - it is an honest ragged exhale of emotion; frustration, desire, sorrow, exhaustion. There are many verses that say that the Almighty God of the Universe hears my every prayer but this comforts me in that my God is so attuned to me that he hears my unspoken longings and catches every sigh.

I was walking out of Caribou Coffee with my Heath Bar Frappaccino , and the girl said, “Have a nice day!” I couldn’t help but recognize the irony. I’d just come from meeting with the pastor to plan my mom’s funeral service and was on my way home to finish up the last things before heading over to the visitation. So when she said this common pleasantry, it made me wonder: What would you say if I told you what I was doing today? And if you knew, would you still wish me a nice day? But then I thought, what makes a day a “nice” day? Is it a day that is easy? Pleasurable? Happy? Trouble-free? What constitutes a “nice day”? If a day is filled with love and laughter and peace, would that make it a nice day? This day has been filled with love as family and friends have come to share their sympathy for us and their admiration for my mom, and many tears have glistened in the eyes of those who will miss her, because she was loved. There has been laughter as stories have flowed about good times pe...

I found out today that a friend is moving - soon and far away: far enough way that any contact will be electronically and probably eventually reduced to the exchanging of Christmas cards. Loss is numbing - I guess that's the beauty of shock, it allows you to go on doing all that your day demands as your heart assimilates little by little what has happened. As this fact cuts into my heart, I've started thinking about the ramifications of this to my future as I recall how important what is now lost, has been to my past. Clinically there are stages of grief - I've read them, worked through them with the deaths of in - laws and a parent. This isn't death but it's still grief. Like the loss of a job, or health, or a house to fire, or a car in an accident, or all the things we just assume will never change, it shakes us when suddenly what has been the norm, isn't. I'm remembering occasions that I didn't know it would be the last time, and consequently planning...

It's a hot, middle-of-the-summer kind of day. I am at the laundromat - oh joy. Part of the reason I am there is that it's a hot summer day, and everything will be able to dry on the clothesline before the sun sets. This is also a bad idea, because a laundromat is not the place you want to be when it's stifling. So I wrestle my basket into the car and head home, and pulling up I realize that I don't have any additional clotheslines. It had been the last thing I'd said to my husband two hours ago when I was leaving - please, make sure the lines are up when I get back. People are more easily irritated when it's hot - did you know that? "They" just did a big study on it as reported on the ten o'clock news - what a surprise... I am not a happy camper. I hang up a few things and leave the basket with the rest and head into my room, the only room with air conditioning. I reach for my journal and start writing out my frustrations. As I recount how I am bot...

Everything has lead up to this point and now it is time. The leading character utters those words we've waited all season to hear.... "I love you" they say. The object of affection turns and hesitates (cue dramatic music). The milliseconds seem like minutes until finally it is uttered, "I love you too." (music swells, lovers kiss, exit to credits) Ah, that romantic tension, all the waiting and wondering and worrying if this person really loves them or are they just stringing them along, because of course as we all know, if they are in love than all of their lives together will be happily ever after...but that's an entirely different subject. What if the person had never said "I love you" would the other one had offered an "I love you" first? Does the responder love less than the initiator because they love them "too" and not just simply "I love you"? Does an "I love you too" mean that my love is based on the ...

It's allergy season. This means that every room of the house has a half empty box of kleenex in it and some rooms even have two! I'm up right now at an hour unrecognizable to me because I can't breathe. Inadvertently I'd bought a box of Puffs Plus, tissues with lotion, and I discovered that they are wonderfully soft. The next time I went to replenish the kleenex supply I intentionally sought out more of this brand. I found them and they were expensive so I stood in the aisle seeing if I could justify to myself spending practically twice what the other tissues were to get this kind that I'd liked. I was buying several boxes so it took me a while to rationalize it all out and put the softer tissues in my cart. Those tissues sit beside me now as I write and every time I've grabbed one, I've been grateful that I made the right decision. After weeks of the joys of pollen, my nose is still not raw, and though they were close to three dollars a box, a still intact ...

Being near a lake draws my attention to things I typically don’t see a t home in the city. Things like circling seagulls and the rhythm of waves rolling to shore, the color of a sunset reflected on the water, and buoys. Buoys are everywhere around the lake, marking where boats can go, and how far out swimmers are safe. Typically in this area they are white with an orange-red stripe, and they bob in the water, all day, every day, and through the night and then the next day and the next night and the...well, you get the picture. It doesn’t seem to matter if the lake is calm or choppy or filled with racing white-capped waves, the buoys still stay in the same place, bobbing up and down, sometimes more agitatedly than at other times, but still there. I’ve learned that they are anchored to the bottom of the lake by a long chain that holds securely to the solid foundation of a large weight. When the waves crash over them, they are overwhelmed but not submerged. During a storm they are pounded...

I was perusing the Sunday paper and checking out the weekly ad from one of my favorite craft stores. I confess, I'm at the craft store more than I need to be, so much so that I almost feel a bit like Norm from the show Cheers...remember, he would walk in and everyone would shout out "Norm" because, well, there everyone knows your name. (don't tell me you're not having that music go through your mind right now) So I have just about every craft supply known to mankind ; soap and paper, and candle wax and fabric and yarn and... what can I say, I'm a great starter and yet so easily distracted! So here in my hand is the big colorful two page ad with the big 40% off coupon right there at the bottom of the first page, tempting me to think about what I could possibly get with it. I search the ad for what's on sale; there's silk flowers, stickers, paper, frames, wedding supplies etc. I read through it again just to see if I missed anything, nope, I saw them a...

"Never doubt in the dark what God has revealed to you in the light." Good advice: not easy to follow but sound wisdom nevertheless. I find that more often than not that I feel I am in the dark, in the twilight or shadows. Doubting, not so much what God has revealed, but how I feel about my own abilities or more precisely, my capability to do all that I am responsible to do. It takes failing at just one endeavor for me to start disregarding everything I've accomplished. I'm a firstborn and accustomed to things coming easily and being successful and when they don't and when I'm not, I have not developed ways of handling that. But I've discovered that I do have a way that helps: it helps even when I'm being moderately successful and not only when I'm discouraged by failure. I've begun to save affirming words - treasured words like the rare gems they are in dust of day to day living: cards, personal notes, and copies of emails make up this collecti...

The other day I was reading a great book and driving. Maybe I should restate that. I had been reading a great book but now I was driving but I would have really rather been finishing my book. I was to the last 15 pages and the mystery was finally going to be untangled but, I also had to be somewhere, so I was driving and the book was sitting on the passenger seat just waiting... Waiting for what? you may ask: I was waiting for a red light. I was hoping for red lights on my trip this day because I knew I'd have enough time to read another page and be closer to all the answers! Wouldn't you know it, not a single red light the entire trip! What was interesting though was how a subtle shift in my thinking changed my entire perspective on traffic lights. I remember the same thing happening when my son was small and loved trains; suddenly living where there are tracks everywhere wasn't as bad as it had been before. While we love shows like Extreme Makeover perhaps it wouldn't...

I'm so excited! I was just being teased that it didn't take much to get me excited: but I'm choosing to take that as a compliment. I'm amazed how God watches out for me in all things, even those that are very little. In the past 24 hours I've gotten an email that was encouraging where I was discouraged, a phone call giving me legal advice that will save me from many headaches, and a visit that resulted in the weeds being gone from what I'm calling my garden and a dozen new transplants all snuggled down into my dirt: and all these things came from the friends in my life. I don't know anything about legalities or flowers (except that they're so pretty and tempting in the store this time of year and I get them home and they're just not happy at my house) yet where I have these holes in my abilities, God's provided others who have these strengths. The expression is typically "like a square peg in a round hole" but my Father is the giver of ...

I am a simple minded person. I am visual. I am forgetful. I've just gotten a beautiful hanging plant. I carefully brought it home and placed it on the hook and it looked wonderful! The next morning it was all withered and curling up against itself. So I watered it really well and it perked right up and again looked great. This morning it's all curled up and withered looking. Hmmm . What a great plant! Here I thought I was getting something to brighten up my yard and what I've actually gotten is my own botanical reminder. I am just like my plant in that I need to be watered daily. It seems no matter how great the day before has been, how abundantly I've been satisfied and filled that the next morning I'm dry and thirsty, and when the sun is beating down on me, I need even more water. I easily relate to the psalmist when he said "My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water" (Psalms 63:1). And th...

Honesty It seems like it’s been a common thread in my life for the past few weeks beginning with an Adult Sunday School class on that topic. What does it mean to be honest? What about “don’t ask, don’t tell”? What if I lead you to believe something is true that isn’t even though I never actually say that it’s true? What if I know something that I don’t share that you should know? What is our responsibility as Christians to be honest, totally 100% honest? We didn’t have many answers, I think we raised even more questions and a lot of stories about how these different types of “honesty” have played out in our personal lives, and what effect being honest has on those around us and what they think of us. We looked at scripture and saw that there is no deceit at all in God: well that pretty much answered the question of how honest should we be… So I found myself on the phone with someone very upset about how they perceived I’d treated them and hearing them say “tell me honestly do you have ...

They’re calling him Rob. The coaches, the other players, calling my son Rob. That’s not his name. It’s Robbie. For 10 years he’s just been Robbie. Well I guess they just don’t know. It sounds so strange. They’re still calling him Rob but now it’s because now he’s earned it as his nickname. He “robbed” the other team twice tonight, with two double plays. He was chosen as the game’s MVP by his coach and given the game ball. I don’t think he’ll be falling asleep before midnight he’s so excited. I watch this Rob on the diamond and I hardly recognize him, long and lean in his baseball uniform: intense in his concentration, light and quick on his feet, cheering on his teammates, the first to pat a guy on the back and say “good job”. Is this the same kid that leaves socks and books all over the house? Is this the same kid that eats dinner and is starving ten minutes later? Who makes copious lists of sports statistics and sets up fantasy teams and plays whole games with them in his mind? Is th...

I spend a good portion of this morning on the phone. More specifically, on hold as I was trying to deal with an insurance matter concerning payment after an accident, I was beginning to wonder if my great grandchildren would be the ones cashing the check by the time this was all settled... You've been there too haven't you? So you know exactly how I was feeling after the sixth time of being told "Hold please." Here comes the music; the garbled, static filled sounds of Josh Groban singing "Don't give up". Oh the irony! It would be so much better if they would just be honest and play the music that actually goes along with the company policies: "I can't get no satisfaction"

Why is it so hard to get out of bed in the morning? Because there is so much ahead you have to do? Because there is so much left from yesterday that didn’t get done? Because there is too little to look forward to the dawning day? Because you were up too late last night trying to catch up? Personally, I think it’s all of the above. And it is what Newton figured out that “objects in motion tend to stay in motion and objects at rest want to stay in bed!” You tell me he was in some lab when he came up with that, I bet he was trying to pry himself out from under the blankets too! Come to think of it, this is the same guy who “discovered” gravity while sitting under an apple tree…he lead a pretty sedentary life! Okay, so eventually you have to get up. While I can’t ease the pain of parting with your pillow, I can offer you two promises, like a pair of fuzzy slippers to help with the cold wood floors of morning reality. “The unfailing love of the Lord never ends! Great is His faithfulness, Hi...

…we run out of time, out of money, out of gas. There’s not enough hot water, food, or supplies. We’ve run out of patience, strength, compassion. We are finite. Everything around us is finite. Even something that seems as infinite as the ocean viewed from a sandy shore, ends somewhere over the horizon. We live in a finite world and because we do we cannot grasp the infinite. Unconditional love. Eternal life. An always faithful God. Forgiveness for every sin. Grace enough to cover every need. The unending, unwavering desire of God for us to be close to Him. Perhaps for many days I manage to be faithful, to be loving, to be compassionate and helpful and serving, then I’m not. My determination is finite. My abilities are finite. My love is finite. Yet, He calls me saying “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” I answer “I will love you for all my life Lord.” But actually all I give is just this moment because it’s all I can hold at a time. The only thing I know I’ll have, is what I h...

Catchy title isn’t it? I am too far removed from college English to remember what an Ode is. I could look it up, but it might just confuse me. I just know it's what you write when you feel inspired by something. My thermos inspired me when I poured a HOT cup of coffee at 9:30 at night. I’d made that coffee at 7:30 that morning, and now that my day seemed nowhere near ending I was seeking out caffeine to keep me going late into the night. For a girl who can barely function coherently after 10 pm, I would need all the help I could get! But back to the thermos… my coffee was still so hot that evening that even adding cream didn’t cool it off enough to have to put it in the microwave. I was so impressed! (Yes, I am easily amused). Of course, the whole pot had started off hot and fresh, but then – well, the day happened, and the coffee that was left in the coffee maker was stale and cold. But a thermos is a marvelous thing, and so is a friend. There are times when passionate idealism or...

It is the time for Communion. Of stopping and remembering. Of confession and celebration. I have always had an affinity for communion. As a child it was the only ceremonial thing my church participated in – the passing of the gold trays with the broken crackers and the little plastic cups of grape juice. As an adult it’s a time to pause amid all the doing and remember why I do what I do. To remember that my service comes from love because of the love that flowed freely for me from the Cross. Only recently have I experienced communion by intinction – that is to say when you come forward and take the bread and dip it in the juice. The first time I participated in communion this way, the pastor holding the cup looked into my eyes and said, “The blood of Christ shed for you.” I heard those words as if they were the first time. Sunday I found myself holding the plate with the bread, and saying to each one that came, “The body of Christ broken for you”. I have sung for congregations, and tau...

It is a bright, beautiful, clear, sunny morning. Was it a morning like this when You awoke, Jesus? Did You sleep well last night knowing it would be Your last in a mortal body, knowing there would be no sleep for You tonight, or were You up into the wee hours of the morning in one last earnest conversation with those You loved—one for only their ears and not the record of Scripture, as You sought to fortify them for what was to come? Did You stretch and flex Your hands as You greeted the dawn and perhaps, as the beams of sunlight fell on Your tough, callused palm, did You contemplate its surface, still unmarred by a piercing wound? It is amazing, Lord, how You suffered for me at Calvary, but Your love was also shown by how You walked to Your cross, with a steady, unswerving step. You alone knew that by the moon’s rising You would be abandoned by those who are now waking up around You. You knew that the usual early morning greetings and frivolity of a group that had spent many a night a...

Psalms 57:2 I cry out to God Most High to God who will fulfill His purpose for me . Psalms 57:7 My heart is confident in you O God, no wonder I can sing your praises Psalms 33:4 For the word of the Lord holds true and everything He does is worthy of our trust Psalms 33:11 But the Lord's plans stand firm forever; His intentions can never be shaken. The winter started off brutal and then in mid-January it was suddenly warm and the bulbs, beguiled by this surprise, started coming up. "No! Don't! Not yet..." I shouted to them through the tightly latched window. They didn't listen. And then, as winter does, it came back and it was sub-zero for weeks and there was snow and it looked so hopeless. There'd be no flowers this spring. But there are. There shouldn't be based on what happened, but the flowers are here and beautiful. The promise of Spring robed in white and yellow. The Psalms send the same message as the daffodils. No matter what I see or think, no m...

I am getting spring fever just as surely as I am sitting in a resin chair by my garden on a 68-degree March day in Chicago. Around me the green stalks are swollen, pregnant with buds just waiting for a few more days of warmth and sun until they will reveal their cheerful yellow faces. Two and a half crocuses remain after their premature entrance last week. A two-inch overnight snow was their demise, and even though it was gone as quickly as it had accumulated, the new growth was lost. Their brief sojourn, though, clearly sent the message: “Winter is passing and spring is coming. Soon all things will be new and the hidden underground growth through the dark winter days will be evident. The optimism of new life will defeat the despair of winter.” My shoes are sitting next to me and I feel the matted greening grass under my happily unshod feet. Spring is coming! Spring is coming! The winter has been cold and dark with biting winds, and the ground frozen and impenetrable. I have hudd...

If you are a SAHM (stay at home mom) you will understand immediately the situation I found myself in. I had planned to take a shower all day and then it was 10 pm and I hadn’t. If you’d ask me why I hadn’t I wouldn’t have been able to tell you the exact thing(s) that kept me from taking care of my own needs, it had just been on of those days where everyone’s needs exceeded my time and energy. So, after getting kids off to school and making breakfast and lunches, I finally got into the shower, better late than never. I was ready for this 10 minute (okay, maybe 15 minute) vacation! No sooner than I had the temperature adjusted just right than someone starting running water somewhere else in the house – INSTANT ICE! Great, just great! I am a good girl, always have been. I follow the rules, turn the other cheek, walk the extra mile, do unto others as I wish they’d do to me etc. Now someone is messing up this shower; this event that has evolved from everyday personal maintenance to a symbo...

I realized that much I’ve learned about love, I’ve learned in the presence of coffee. I’ve just returned from being invited out for coffee, partially because it was the seasonal special with chocolate, caramel and Irish crème but mostly because I needed space from my home and needed to talk and my friend recognized that and getting coffee became the perfect excuse. The first time I was in a Starbucks was because my father–in-law invited me and my infant son out for coffee. All I remember is enjoying for the first time a Carmel frappacino and sitting still in the comfortable chairs for the time it took to drink our Venti drinks. Since I was sleep deprived and in that general insaneness and giant learning curve that accompanies your first child, going out for coffee was like heaven. One year I was given 3 coffee gift cards for Christmas. I received specially blended coffee combinations in plastic cones adorned with ribbons and silk roses for Valentine’s Day. I brought back 100% Kona co...

It’s winter in Chicago, which doesn’t have the same connotations as, let’s say, winter in Yellowstone - a pristine snowy whiteness covering everything…no, it’s winter in Chicago which doesn't mean that things aren't covered, they are; the cars, the roads , the sidewalks and the signs, but they're not covered in snow, they're covered in a layer of salt. Every car is the same grayish color as the car next to it with slight undertones of the color the car actually is, peeping through the salt. For whatever reason, there is never windshield wiper fluid in the cars that I drive. I get this thin film of kicked up salt and gunk that dries on there and when the sun shines it’s even harder to see where you are going. So, there are those times, that I finally stop at a gas station and clean off my windshield and I am always amazed at how bad it was once it’s clean. Before it was bothersome but it wasn’t that bad, until I get it back to the way it’s supposed to be and then I reali...

I read a statistic that said the average person spends 16 months of their life in the bathroom. I want to know how long one spends in the kitchen! It must be measured in decades! I am always in the kitchen, either stocking it, or preparing a meal, than cleaning up from that meal, than cooking again, cleaning, stocking, cooking. . . Why is it that the sink always has dishes in it? Always! I go to bed at night and everything (sometimes) is bright and shiny and little gremlins come in and by the time everyone is off to school in the morning the kitchen looks like a war zone of breakfast bowls and juice boxes, trash pulled out of the lunch bags that was left from yesterday (are there no garbage cans at school?) and knives with smears of butter and jelly and peanut butter. It’s incredible how much food stuff goes on in the first hour of a school day. It’s intense. For as much time I spend in preparing food for others, I spend little of that eating. While I will chop and grate and mix and sa...

I do not like mirrors. I hate mirrors. Okay, not the mirror per sea, but what I see in the mirror. Does anyone ever look into a mirror and say “Wow!” well, anyone beside the Fonz? Worse than what I see when I purposely look into a mirror is the revelation I get when I’m suddenly looking at a reflection that I didn’t seek out. The sudden illumination you get walking past store windows that reveal those jeans don’t look as great on you as you thought and that hairstyle really isn’t working. I had a mirror thrust in front of my heart today in the form of a winter storm warning. The news came that a church a hundred miles to the north had cancelled its services because of the blizzard that was heading my direction. Maybe our church would be cancelled too – wouldn’t that be great?! Hello – what was that I just saw? In the body of a faithful Christian and church attendee, Sunday school teacher and choir member was a heart that was hopeful that the snow would shut down the services and she’...

9:05 a.m: “I’d like to make an appointment.” “Let me take your number, and we’ll call you back.” By the end of the day, no phone call came to schedule the appointment, and I could only imagine how long it would be until the actual meeting. A lesson to be learned well and early is this: If you want to have an appointment by September, you’d better call and schedule it in July. My education came with my first call to the OB-Gyn. “I’d like to schedule a prenatal exam. I just found out I’m pregnant!” “Is there any particular day that you’d like to see the doctor?” “As soon as possible. I’m available at any time.” (Of course, I was available any time of any day; nothing would stand between me and the health of my baby.) “Okay, let’s see . . . the earliest available appointment would be at 2 p.m., three weeks from Thursday.” Three weeks from Thursday! How could they put me off for that long? I was pregnant. This was my first baby! Terrible things could happen in three weeks—didn’t they under...

If you are blind, you need a Seeing Eye dog. If you are breathing, you need a Seeing Eye friend: a friend who sees clearly where you are blind and one whom you trust enough to follow their lead. I have many such friends, hopefully one for every blind spot I have and ones who not only make up for my deficiencies but who can see clearly what I can’t. I’m in the forest; all I’m seeing are the trees. I have one such friend, so if any of these words ever resonate with you, she is the reason they have been published for your eyes. She’s my favorite “poofreader” and one of many with whom I’ve shared my writings. I've chosen each person who has ever seen what I've written, selecting only those who know me and would be an understanding and safe place to share my thoughts: my friend had another idea. One day she presented me with a book that was a compilation of the writings I’d been sending her. Today she emailed me with the announcement that she’d set up a blog for my words because, as...

I was at a Thursday night rehearsal for some music we’d be doing in church in a couple weeks. This particular piece was beyond my usual frame of reference, a recitative from the Elijah. Now, I’ve been singing my whole life it seems. I remember it driving my parents nuts from the backseat on long car trips. But this genre was going to be a stretch for me, both musically and vocally. So I practiced. I got the CD and sang along with it for a week. I even loaded it on “repeat” in my MP3 player and worked around the house with the music next to me as I folded laundry. I listened and sang with it so often that one day as I was doing the dishes I found I had most of it memorized, so I felt ready. But … when the rehearsal began, and I was to sing all by myself with an organ instead of the recorded orchestra, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t find the entrances or the pitches or the rhythm. And worst of all, it seemed the more I tried to focus and count, the more lost I became; so, not only was I em...

I was thinking this glorious morning with the bright blue sky how we are like the tall oak trees I’m watching in my backyard- with branches lifted towards heaven and roots that have reached down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love: we are strong and established and are constantly nourished from deep inside ourselves. Now the winds of the Spirit and opportunity loosen and blow from us pieces of ourselves that scatter to cover many places, beyond the reach of where we are planted. We send out our words and prayers and actions into the world, to make contact with others, to cover pain with love, hurt with compassion, offenses with forgiveness, to bring kindness into the routine, color and brightness into lives and our influence is blown far beyond our own little space in the world. Hundreds of leaves are being blown off the trees yet they are still filled with thousands more, so much of ourselves there is to give. . .

My Bible got coconut creamed today. Just like anyone actively involved on a Sunday morning, I had been carrying a bag full of stuff: Bible, Sunday school lesson, speakers for the MP3 player, two flavored coffee creamers, assorted pens and pencils. So somewhere along the way the coconut creamer met the pages of my Bible and my Bible got creamed! Augh! Oh, that feeling, that sinking, shoulder slumping, disappointed feeling: where you just look and sigh. And then the action to fix it, grabbing the paper towels and mopping up the sticky creaminess, separating all the pages and drying them off and as you're cleaning it up, at the same time realizing the extent of the damage. Now this is not a big deal. -- To the rest of the world. But it was my BIBLE. MY Bible. The one I use all the time. It's not that there aren't a half-dozen other Bibles around the house, it's that it's my Bible, the one with all the notes in it, the one with all the verses underlined that have jumped...